Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
