i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
