we're blogging at a bar
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
