in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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