I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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