you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
