I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
