i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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