Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
