Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
