I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
