508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
