He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
