:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
