Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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