In America we eat man semen.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I want a musical about memes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
