Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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