So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We need to rekindle our bromance
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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