All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
