I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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