So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize