dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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