Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
