I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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