if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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