I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
