Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
