And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's get the cat blown out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There are leaves in my underwear?
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