You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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