Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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