just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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