playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
