apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
