Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just had sex on a roof
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think people are normalizing furries
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
