Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
