i just had sex bonerless
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I see more hoeing in ur future
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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