I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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