I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have fence marks all over my body
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
