I feel like I'm in dance class right now
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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