I love black thongs
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
