That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
