What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
