I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
BRING THE BAGELS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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