I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
