he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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