I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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