idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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