Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
