so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
