saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
