Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize