after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
