ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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