omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Little spoons don't ask big questions
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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