Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
