Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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