Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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