We're like a lot better than the average bears
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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