My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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