I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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