we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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