She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
