Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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