Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I died a long time ago.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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