Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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