you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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