Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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