I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
