lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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