The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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