Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
