windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize