Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
