i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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