There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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